


Beneath the Cherry Blossoms

by Aki (Akiko_Natsuko)



Category: Saiyuki, Saiyuki Gaiden
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memories, Past Lives, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 19:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16540508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Aki
Summary: 'Somewhere above them, a gentle wind rustled through the trees, showering them in cherry blossoms, as a soft whisper echoed one last time in his ears.You finally remembered….'Hakkai is having flashes of another life, emotions and memories that aren't his and that he doesn't understand.





	Beneath the Cherry Blossoms

  It wasn’t the first time this had happened over the last few months, the world seeming to blur around Hakkai, sounds growing more distant as though someone had filled his ears with cotton wool. He was still aware of the fight raging around him, still responsive enough to duck the blow aimed at his face although more clumsily than normal, but it was like someone had laid a film over the world. One that cast the world in a soft golden light, leaving the impression that he was dreaming although he knew that he was awake, but this time there was something new, a voice that was both familiar and strange at the same time, the arid smell of smoke curling under his nose and the impression of a warm hand resting on his shoulder. Yet when he reached up his fingers closed on nothing.

_As long as you remember…_

    There was a melancholy to the words, the expectation of grief to come and Hakkai frowned, feeling as though the words were reverberating through him. As though they should mean something more to him… _but what? Who had said them? What was he supposed to remember?_ The hand on his shoulder seemed to tighten for a moment, fingers digging in, not enough to hurt but enough to leave an impression, as there was a quiet whisper, this one feeling as sounding as though someone had ducked down to whisper in his ear.

_See you soon…_

“Hakkai!” He was shocked out of the strange dream-like state by the warning shout, but it came too late as the warm gold that had taken over his world was replaced with crimson, warmth streaming down the side of his face as he stumbled under the force of the blow. He was vaguely aware of the sound of a scuffle, of worried voices and the clang of metal weapons meeting in battle, but he couldn’t focus, couldn’t see, couldn’t fight. _Not again,_ he wasn’t sure what he was thinking about, what he was remembering, as a crushing sense of defeat swept through him, stronger than any he had felt in this lifetime and he swayed, the strength going out of him. He thought that he was going to hit the ground, unable to catch himself as the world…as both worlds…faded in and out of focus, shadows chasing across his vision, but before he could fall there was a warm hand, more real than the one he had felt a moment before and nowhere near as gentle, catching him and stopping him from falling. “Idiot, what the hell were you doing?!”

    Hakkai blinked, he recognised that voice, knew it as well as he knew his own. Gojyo. He blinked, trying to clear the shadows form his vision, even as the warm hand disappeared, replaced by an arm slung around his back, supporting him and tugging him against a firm side. The physical contact helped, giving him something real to focus on and ground him back in the present, but not as much as the concern that was barely masked by the rough tone as Gojyo shook him lightly, careful of his wounds. “Hakkai?” There it was again, a flicker of something that had tugged at his thoughts the moment he had heard his partner’s voice and he frowned, lifting his head to peer up at the other man. The wine-coloured eyes that met his were narrowed, completely focused on him and demanding an answer, and he frowned.

“I…” _What had he been doing?_ He could remember the fight, another hopeful group of bounty hunters thinking that they could take them down and he blinked again, looking around, startled to realise that the fight had ended at some point. When had that happened?

“Did it happen again?” Hakkai was startled by the question, before blinking, _oh_ _that was right_ , he had confided in Gojyo about the strange flickering at the edge of his thoughts, the memories that weren’t quite memories that seemed to crop up at the most inconvenient times. Not that he’d had much choice after it had happened when they were returning from a supply run and he had nearly crashed the jeep. Unable to lie, especially under the concerned crimson eyes that were currently watching his every move he nodded, shoulders slumping as he heard the other man sigh, the arm tightening around his back. “We should tell the others…”

“No!” Hakkai hadn’t meant for it to come out so loudly, wincing as the volume of his own voice reminded him of the blow he had taken, and he swallowed back a wave of nausea, gratefully leaning into Gojyo as he fought to find his voice again, knowing that the other man would want more than that. “No… this doesn’t concern them.” That wasn’t strictly true, he knew that this, whatever it was that was happening to him was dangerous for all of them, especially if it kept happening at such inconvenient times and he could already see the argument building and he shook his head, correcting himself quietly. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it?” Gojyo demanded, but he too kept his voice loud, glancing at where the other two were searching their assailants for any sign of who had sent them, both having seen that he was taking care of Hakkai and knowing better than to interfere. He tended to get a little territorial when Hakkai was injured, and things had been tense enough lately without adding any unnecessary arguments. Satisfied that they weren’t paying attention, even if he wasn’t sure that was a good thing he turned his attention back to Hakkai and hissed accusingly.  “Because it seems to me that this is more than once or twice.”

“It was once or twice,” Hakkai protested, and he might have left it at that, not wanting to cause Gojyo any more worry, but the sceptical glare that greeted his words had him sighing, shoulders hunching in defeat as he admitted reluctantly. “At the time.” It was the reason why he hadn’t mentioned it until he’d had to, because he hadn’t thought it was anything worth worrying them over, or rather he had, but he hadn’t wanted to add to the burdens that the group were already carrying.

“And now?” Gojyo demanded.

“It’s happening more often,” Hakkai muttered, looking down, not for the first time wishing that he had the power to lie to the other man. He closed his eyes, feeling more tired than he could ever remember feeling. He knew that part of it was his injury, his head pounding as he let it fall against Gojyo’s shoulder, but it was more than that. He had felt the exhaustion creeping in over the last few months, intensifying after each ‘episode’, each one leaving feeling as though he was living two lives at once, and he sighed. “I don’t what’s happening…” He didn’t like the uncertainty. In his experience, unknown occurrences like this were a bad thing, and yet the episodes themselves hadn’t hurt him. If anything, he felt like he was supposed to have them, that he was supposed to know what was happening, that he should know those memories and that voice that was so like Gojyo’s but subtly different and he growled in frustration.

_What am I supposed to remember?_

“And this doesn’t concern Sanzo and Goku?” Gojyo demanded, sounding less convinced than ever and Hakkai opened his eyes, wincing as light assaulted his pounding head and glanced across at the other two, before shaking his head again.

“No…” _Yes, maybe…I don’t know._  Hakkai frowned, that wasn’t exactly true. There had been moments when he was caught up in an episode when he had a fleeting impression of others around him, not just the voice and gentle touches that haunted him, but other voices, ones that made him think of his other friends, but nothing solid enough for him to grasp and it seemed to him that they were less important. That they weren’t what he was supposed to remember.  “I don’t know why, but it is nothing to do with them.”

    Gojyo didn’t look convinced, but after a few minutes he shook his head and looked at Hakkai. “Fine,” it sounded like he was forcing the words through gritted teeth. “I won’t say anything for now.” Hakkai opened his mouth, relief and gratitude written across his face, but he was silenced by a dark glare. “Don’t thank me, I’m not sure I’m doing any of us a favour.” Neither was Hakkai if he was being honest, but that didn’t stop the relief and Gojyo must have read that in his face because he growled, muttering something about how they were both idiots before his eyes narrowed once more. “You have to tell me if it happens again. That’s the price of my silence.” Hakkai wanted to argue, knowing that this secret and the worry that Gojyo wouldn’t put into words was weighing on the other man, but he couldn’t say the words under the force of that gaze and he bowed his head in defeat.

“Fine.”

***

     Hakkai continued to have the flashes, the momentary lapses where it felt like he had one foot in two different words. With each occurrence it felt like he was getting closer to remembering whatever it was that haunted him, the voices and touches growing more tangible with each one, until there were times where he wasn’t sure which world was real. It got worse when the episodes grew more vivid, fleeting images flooding his mind… a room filled with books, a frog-shaped ash tray on a messy desk…and faces, faces that made his heart ache in a way he had never felt before. Faces that were always blurry, indistinct images, never enough for him to identify, although he knew with a growing certainty that he did know them…that he had lost them, because there was an ache in his heart whenever they danced on the edge of his vision, a pain that he had only felt when he had lost Kanaan.

    More than once the flashes had nearly landed him in trouble, but Gojyo was always there, sticking closer than ever, always ready to shield him, although not without sharp words and dark glares. He no longer tried to hide his concern, and they had rehashed their discussion about telling the others, until Hakkai was ready to gag the other man. He didn’t though, knowing that he was scaring Gojyo. It was there in the way the other man found his way to Hakkai at night more often than not these days, holding him tight as they slept, as though he feared that Hakkai would disappear on him. It was there in the way he would trail after Hakkai when he was running errands or doing chores, rarely even bothering to voice the complaints that he had in the past.

    Hakkai was sure that the others had noticed something was off as well, although so far, they hadn’t demanded answers for which he was grateful. After all what could he tell them? That he was slowly losing his mind? That he was reliving memories that he couldn’t remember making, that might not even belong to him? That there were days when he wasn’t entirely sure that this world was the real one?

No, he wasn’t ready to say any of that.

   Things continued like that for a couple more months, and Hakkai knew that things were going to come to a head soon as the flashes became more and more frequent, and Gojyo’s expression grew stormier with each one, the other man snapping at anyone and anything, although he was always gentle when he was there to ease Hakkai back into the present. His presence, his harsh voice and strong grip the only thing Hakkai had to ground him, to convince him that this was where he belonged.

Then they spent a night under the cherry blossoms.

    There was rarely any chance for them to indulge in a single night of rest and relaxation these days, and with the unspoken tensions in the group there was even less inclination to do so. However, they had finally had a rare couple of days without encountering any pursuers, and Hakkai had not had a single episode for nearly a week which had improved both his and Gojyo’s mood, although he was aware of the crimson eyes that traced his every move, waiting for that to change. It was enough of a change to mellow the mood in the group, and that was why it had only taken Goku’s child-like delight at the sight of the blossoming sakura trees, and a brief discussion for them to agree to stop for the night and indulge themselves for the first time in a long while.

    The meal that evening had been the best they had shared in a long time, Sanzo reluctantly agreeing to them splurging just this once, although the slight softening of his stern expression as they ate suggested he was enjoying it as much as the rest of them. They had eaten and drunk their fill, and for the first time in ages it had felt like it used to, and Hakkai had found himself laughing more than he had in months as he chatted with Gojyo, the shadow of his secret disappearing for a time as they leant against each other and snuck bits of food to Hakuryuu.

    As night had settled they had moved outside, settling under the cherry blossom, drinking as they reminisced about the past and their journey so far, watching as Goku wandered wide-eyed through the trees, playfully trying to catch the blossoms that drifted down from above.

    At some point Gojyo and Sanzo started to bicker about something, and after a few rejected attempts to steer them to a more peaceful conversation Hakkai got to his feet, waving off Gojyo’s when he made to follow him, offering him a reassuring smile. Even if he had an episode here, there was no danger here at the moment, and after a moment he saw Gojyo reach the same conclusion and settle back, albeit with a frown which became a scowl as he turned back to his argument with Sanzo. Chuckling under his breath Hakkai walked away, drifting through the trees with no set destination in mind, although he knew that he wouldn’t go to far, waving to Goku who was scrambling up one of the trees.

    It was peaceful here, a rare thing these days and Hakkai felt himself beginning to unwind, his face uplifted as he admired the cherry blossoms. There was a touch of melancholy as he remembered going to view the cherry blossoms with Kanaan, but that was an old pain now, soothed by a glance back to where Gojyo and Sanzo still appeared to be locked in debate, a small smile tugging at his lips. He wandered a bit further, before turning to go back, unwilling to risk losing sight of the others because no matter how peaceful this night was, there was no forgetting that they were being hunted.

    However, he had let himself forget that wasn’t the only danger at the moment, and he had barely taken a dozen or so steps back towards the other when the world blurred around him, the golden film settling over him and he wanted to curse. The words died on his lips, as he blinked realising that this memory was more vivid than he’d ever had before, eyes wide as he found himself staring up at more sakura trees, only these were different from the ones he had been walking under seconds before. There was an etherealness to them, a beauty that nothing in his own world could match, and yet as beautiful as they were, he found himself longing for the other ones, for the gnarled trunks that Goku had just been scaling, and the simple snow of blossoms that had been falling on them as they ate.

    It was the first time he had so vividly felt that this was not his world. Not anymore, and he turned, trying to find some way to escape, to find his own way back, only to freeze as someone emerged from between the tree.

    Like the world around him, the man was more vivid than his previous fleeting impressions and Hakkai felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the world as he met violet eyes. There was a softness to them that did little to hide the fact that his man was someone to fear, although Hakkai knew instinctively that he had nothing to fear from him, instead finding himself stepping forward, itching to reach out to this stranger.

“Who…?” His voice cracked, and he shook his head, wetting his lips. “Who are you?” A pained expression greeted his words, the violet eyes darkening for a moment before the man glanced up at the cherry blossoms above them.

 _“You don’t remember?”_ It was the voice that had haunted him from the beginning, and Hakkai ached to hear the pain in those simple words, but he couldn’t lie even to ease it and he slowly shook his head. _“We should have known a promise like that could never be that simple.”_ The man murmured, before slowly moving forward. Hakkai knew that he should move, that this might be a threat, but he was rooted to the spot, unable to bring himself to step back even as the man reached him. His heart hammering in his chest, as the man lifted a hand to brush fingers against Hakkai’s cheek, the touch achingly familiar. _“We’ve come full circle, we finally kept our word, meeting under the cherry blossoms in the Lower world…and it was nothing like we imagined. Nothing like I imagined…”_ There was grief in those words, but also a note of acceptance and Hakkai was rooted to the spot, as the man’s fingers curled against his cheek for a second, before he stepped back, offering Hakkai a soft smile.

_“Farewell…Tenpou.”_

      It was as though those words had broken the spell, lifting the golden film from his surroundings as the world slowly faded away around him, the ethereal sakura blossoms melting away to reveal the no-less beautiful ones that he had been walking through between, and Hakkai found himself blinking away tears as he realised that the man was still there, standing framed between two trees, violet eyes focused on him even as he too began to disappear. “Kenren…” He didn’t know where the name had come from, or perhaps he had always known it, because it felt right on his tongue, familiar as though there had been a time when he had said it regularly. The man smiled, offering him a salute before he faded away with the last of that other world, and Hakkai blinked as another figure loomed in the space that he had left, meeting worried crimson eyes with a soft smile.     

“Gojyo,” he murmured, moving to meet him, and on an impulse, uncaring of the fact that they weren’t alone beneath the cherry blossoms he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the other man. He could feel the tension, the worry, and he let his head fall against Gojyo’s shoulder as warm arms slowly crept up to return the hug. He took a moment to revel in the peaceful feeling that had engulfed him, the simple rightness of being here beneath the cherry blossom in Gojyo’s arms, and there was a smile on his lips as he murmured with quiet certainty. “It’s over now.” Somewhere above them a gentle wind rustled through the trees, showering them in cherry blossoms, as a soft whisper echoed one last time in his ears.

_You finally remembered…._


End file.
